Here’s Dr. Ariel’s list. How many of them does your partner demonstrate?
High or superior IQ
Excellent memory for certain facts and details
Intense focus and attentiveness
Strong sense of justice
Clear moral beliefs
Kind and gentle behavior
Focus On Your Partner’s Asperger’s Syndrome Advantages
Here’s Dr. Ariel’s sample exercise to help you:
List at least three positive attributes your partner offers in your relationship. Resist the urge to add how many of them may have also become a negative trait. For now, just give your partner credit for positive characteristics.
Write a sentence of two next to each item in the list to explain how this trait positively affects your relationship.
Keep this list handy to refer to later. Your partner’s positive traits may be useful in strengthening weaker areas of relating. Rereading the list at times can also remind you of the positive characteristics that help to make your relationship worth your continued love and energy.
Here’s Dr. Ariel’s example of how this list might look. Your partner is unique. Come up with your own list to fit your partner.
Intensely focused: Persistent until he fixes what breaks around the house. Can learn to fix about anything.
Honest: I can trust that whatever he tells me is truthful.
Calm: Does not become easily upset or stressed by things not working around the house; he just goes about fixing them
Predictable: I can rely on him to do exactly what he says he will do, when he says he will do it.
Decide to focus on the positive. This doesn’t mean you ignore the negatives. Dr. Ariel’s book provides detailed solutions for coping with negatives. But starting out with a positive tone yields the best long term results.
Seek out a marriage counselor or therapist who understands Aspergers syndrome and can help you problem solve challenging differences.
Seek out support. Aspires, for example, is an online support resource for spouses and family members of adults diagnosed or suspected to be on the autistic spectrum. The approach at the website toward each other and toward “significant others” is directed towards solving problems in a relationship with a spectrum-sitting spouse.
What are some Aspergers relationship solutions you’ve discovered? Please share in the comments!
photo credit: linh.ngan
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