Could it be that asking the right dating questions is key to having satisfying dating experiences?
It’s been a long time since my dating days.
I had so many dating questions back then In many ways, I was like someone stumbling around in the dark, trying to find a light switch.
I wasn’t sure what to talk about on the first date, how to present myself, and how to figure out whether to take the dating relationship any further if things did go well.
Have you ever felt this way?
Maybe you still do.
Today I’m excited to interview Dr. Duana Welch to ask some key dating questions and hear some helpful answers that will boost your confidence in approaching dating and relationships.
Dating Questions You Should Ask:
1. How Much Or How Little Should I Say?
Dr. Welch suggests that you focus on asking open ended questions that will help the other person talk about themselves.
Avoid the tendency to talk too much about yourself. Sometimes, when anxious, we can tend to over-talk about ourselves because we feel most comfortable that way. But it takes the attention away from the other person.
Here are some conversation starters from the Tower of Power site.
Here are some of my articles about how to start a conversation:
What Kind Of Mindset Is Most Helpful On A First Date?
A curious mindset is the best mindset.
Be curious about the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and interests.
Dr. Welch states that very few people mind being asked questions as long as you are asking them kindly and sincerely, and are not too invasive.
So how can you tell what’s “too invasive”?
Bustle.com tells you about 5 Questions You Should Never Ask A Date Unless You Want A Really Awkward Moment.
Here’s a quote from that article:
Intrusive and insensitive questions are too personal, too critical or too threatening, says Brown. These include how much a person weighs, his/her bank balance, how many people he/she has slept with and whether or not there’s mental illness in his/her family.
How Can I Remain Calm And “Shine” On My First (And Subsequent) Date/s?
Dr. Welch suggests that you memorize your questions before the date.
Memorizing will give you confidence that you don’t have to come up with questions spontaneously.
You “shine” (make a positive impression) by asking your partner questions.
Asking questions shows that you care about the other person.
In reading others’ research, Dr. Welch has found that shy people who have learned to ask questions when they meet someone new, they:
a) become more popular
b) feel better about themselves.
These findings are based on Thorndike’s Law:
A law developed by Edward L. Thorndike that states, “responses that produce a satisfying effect in a particular situation become more likely to occur again in that situation, and responses that produce a discomforting effect become less likely to occur again in that situation.” (source: Boundless.com)
How Can I Increase The Odds Of Choosing The Best Long Term Partner?
Dr. Duana Welch says, “Make your list!”
Sign up to get detailed instructions about this:
Here’s the simplified version of The List:
- Go to your computer (or use a pad of paper) and write down all the characteristics, traits you would like in a long-term partner
Once you’ve made your list, you’re going to separate your list into two components:
Must Haves – This should be your shorter list, which includes deal breakers (if your potential partner does not have one of these characteristics, you should not move forward).
- Wants – These are traits or characteristics you’d like to have, but that you’re willing to compromise on.
How Can I Avoid Abusive Dating Partners?
Make Kindness and Respect a Must Have Characteristic!
Per Dr. Welch, one requirement on your Must Have list is that your partner must always be kind and respectful, even when things are not going his/her way.
If you can find and be someone who is kind and respectful, your love life will go well, and if you cannot, it will not. Dr. Duana Welch
Ask yourself, regarding your partner, Is this someone who accepts responsibility if you ask them to be kind and respectful, or is this someone who covers up and makes excuses?
Likewise, examine yourself to make sure that you take responsibility to be kind and respectful toward others in your life.
Abusive people often “test” people by being unkind or disrespectful to someone else in your presence.
If you tolerate that behavior, they then know that you’ll tolerate them being unkind or disrespectful to you.
Dating Questions and Answers Summarized:
- How much or little should I say? Ask just enough questions to show genuine and caring interest in the other person.
- What kind of mindset is most helpful for the first date? A curious mindset will help you focus on the other person so that you show care and concern.
- How can I remain calm during the first date? Memorize the questions you’re going to ask your partner.
- How can I increase the odds of choosing the best long term partner for me? Make the List!
- How can I avoid abusive dating partners? Insist on kindness and respect as one of your Must Have characteristics for your partner.
Links and Resources
Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps From I Wish To I Do, by Dr. Duana Welch.
Do you have a question for Dr. Duana Welch? She welcomes your questions. Contact her here.
Here’s all the more reason to Make Your List! This article from The Telegraph talks about Why Falling In Love Is Similar To Being Drunk.
Download the first chapter of Love Factually at Duana’s book site, LoveFactually.
Follow Dr. Duana Welch on Twitter: https://twitter.com/duanawelch
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