Especially if you have an autism spectrum condition. If you don’t have a good sense of general non-verbal body language, imagine the confusion that can come with trying to start dating.
When you do decide to start dating, you’ll want to have some insights into whether a girl is interested or not during the first phase of meeting someone. Although “small talk” is a pain, that’s where flirting often begins.
Learn About Basic Non Verbal Communication
I put together this Amazon search for you for the term “non-verbal communication”. Check out the textbooks: see if they’re in your library, or buy one online.
Learn The Basics of Social Thinking
Michelle Garcia Winner, a speech and language therapist, talks a bit about social thinking in this video. You can also learn a lot by browsing/studying her Social Thinking site.
Here are some social thinking articles I’ve written on this site:
Tips For Understanding Girl Body Language
These tips come from WikiHow’s article, How To Read Women’s Body Language for Flirting. 56 authors made 301 revisions to put that article together!
Pay attention to her gaze.
Repeated eye contact from across the room indicates interest, especially if she’s smiling.
Watch her face.
Raised eyebrows, with a smile and a nod shows that she’s pleased with what you’re saying and who you are.
Fidgety lips. If she chews on her lips or licks her lips, it indicates a subconscious way to draw attention to her lips, but women’s mouths also get drier when excited.
Dilated pupils. This applies to both men and women. This would apply in a lighted setting, since a darker setting will produce more dilated pupils.
Overactive eyelids. A girl will blink slightly faster than normal if she’s interested in you.
Flared nostrils. Like dilated pupils, flared nostrils are an involuntary response to excitement.
Take note of her how close she is to you. If she leans in toward you, she’s expressing interest. If you’re sitting at a table, she may rest her head on one or both of her hands to get closer to you.
On the other hand, if she crosses her arms, and she’s sitting back in her chair, she’s most likely bored or uninterested.
How is she touching her hair? Gentle movements, like twirling a strand around her finger, or running her fingers slowly through her hair are signs she is interested. On the other hand, quick, jerky movements will show she’s embarrassed or impatient. In addition, if her eyes are wandering away from you, it’s a sign she’s not interested.
Notice her fingers. When a woman is interested, she will use her fingers to fiddle with jewelry or play with objects. Interest in a person make a woman’s heart beat faster and feel some nervous excitement. So she may twist her rings, play with her earring, or tug at her necklace. Or she may bounce her leg. If the movements are slow and controlled, such as stroking the stem of a wine glass or running her fingers along the rim of her water cup, she’s trying to get your attention. However, if she’s taping the glass and pursing her lips, she may want to get out of there and away from you.
Legs. If a girl crosses her legs, note whether the top leg is pointed in your direction. This would be a sign of interest.
Here are some great warnings:
- Not all women have the same body language!
- Refrain from assuming that seemingly sexual gestures mean the girl wants you. If you make advances and she’s not looking for that, things will probably not end well.
- Do not stare at the woman’s cleavage, even if she has it partially exposed. Some men have a very bad habit of doing this, but you can almost guarantee your date will be offended if she notices your eyes are wandering (especially on a first date).
I would add that you want to look for a cluster of these behaviors, rather than drawing a conclusion based on just one of the above. Finally, remember that failure is a natural part of the learning curve. If you’re afraid to fail, it’s going take longer to learn.
P.S. What if a girl has Aspergers?! Well, to be honest I don’t know how this affects the body reading equation! She may or may not display some of these body language signals. But she may struggle, just as you do, to understand men’s body language. Never assume!
I hope you found this short guide helpful.
Here are a couple more articles:
businessballs.com has a fantastic free guide for developing a general understanding of body language.
And here’s a brief article about how girls flirt.
I hope you found this article helpful. Do you have any other tips or suggestions?
Image credit: wisiel / 123RF Stock Photo