Do you want relationship help?
You may be struggling in your marriage.
David Finch was struggling in his marriage before he discovered his Aspergers diagnosis.
But once he figured out his mind worked differently, he designed his own personal development plan that saved his marriage.
David’s here to share his story, a bit about his Journal of Best Practices book, and his own personal development journey. He shares some tips for both non-Aspergers and Aspergers spouses.
Let’s get started!
ABOUT DAVID FINCH:
From David’s Amazon author page –
David Finch grew up on a farm in northern Illinois. He earned a degree in music engineering at the University of Miami, where he stunned the locals with his gleaming, pasty white skin, then returned to Illinois, where he worked as an audio engineer and studied sketch-comedy writing at the Second City in Chicago. He and his wife, Kristen, married in 2003, and in 2008, David was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. His essay “Somewhere Inside, A Path To Empathy” appeared in The New York Times and became the basis for his first book, The Journal of Best Practices. His essays have appeared in The New York Times, Slate, and Psychology Today. David lives in northern Illinois with Kristen and their two children.
David works full-time in marketing in a corporate environment. He also speaks 1-2 times per month all over the country to different groups and organizations about marriage, transition to adulthood, and about neurodiversity.
IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN:
- A bit about David’s career and marriage background
- When the trouble in his marriage started, and the confusion as to why he and Kristen were struggling so much
- The quiz that informally helped David and his wife discover his Aspergers diagnosis
- How David processed being diagnosed with Aspergers
- How he obtained a formal Aspergers diagnosis
- How the Journal of Best Practices came to be
- The importance of maintaining a sense of humor when working on one’s marriage
- A marriage tip for the Aspergers partner
- A marriage tip for the non-Aspergers partner
- David and I talk about what specific terms to use for Aspergers, autism, and neurotypicals
- About the importance of identifying your needs and formulating a personal growth plan to meet those needs
MEMORABLE DAVID FINCH QUOTES:
About how one views an Aspergers/autism diagnosis:
“With this diagnosis, it woke me up to the fact that there are explanations behind my differences, not that I am broken and out of sync with the world around me. What was cool (about getting the diagnosis) was a lot of insight into how my mind works.”
“I used that (my diagnosis) as an opportunity to say, ‘Maybe the challenges in our relationships come from what I am doing, and maybe there are ways to improve myself in general, for outcome of happier marriage’
About his book, the Journal of Best Practices,
“I wrote it to be funny, not to be a textbook…what ended up happening was that people started reading it as a prescriptive text, then marriage and family therapists started prescribing it to their clients. It’s not that….very raw, honest story of my own marriage.”
About humor, autism/Aspergers and marriage:
“Don’t take yourself or your circumstances so seriously that you cannot laugh about them.”
About accepting an autism/Aspergers diagnosis:
Consider accepting your neurological differences – that they can explain in a predictable way some of the challenges you are having in your relationship
“I did embrace it, because it did not mean anything to me. Yes, I did confirm the diagnosis with a psychologist, but for me it was never something where I thought, “This is who I am: this gives me an identity. It was more like, “Oh, you mean that’s how I work? Cool, I don’t care if you call it Aspergers, or what you call it”
Regarding personal growth:
“I don’t shy away from important (personal growth) work, because I know that important work leads to important results”
LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
A few years into his marriage, David and his wife, Kristen, were asking what had happened to their marriage.
One day, Kristen asked David to take the Aspie Quiz, and the rest is history.
David tells his story with candor and hilarity (he has comedy training, and it shows!).
His experiences shows what creativity and persistence can do to turn a marriage around.
Somewhere Inside, A Path To Empathy: David’s article for the New York Times.
David’s Website: http://davidfinchwriter.com/
Find David on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DavidFinchWriter
Connect with David on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TweetingFinch
David’s Psychology Today Blog – The Journal of Best Practices: Marriage, Asperger’s, and Being A Better Husband (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-journal-best-practices)
Here’s a way to design your own personal growth plan. Read the article and determine to go to work on yourself for a better relationship/marriage.
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