Do You Want Marriage Help?
Want to start improving your marriage?
Here are 5 marriage help tools to get you started.
According to Harvard Health Publishing:
there is fascinating — and compelling — research suggesting that married people enjoy better health than single people. For example, as compared with those who are single, those who are married tend to
• live longer
• have fewer strokes and heart attacks
• have a lower chance of becoming depressed
• be less likely to have advanced cancer at the time of diagnosis and more likely to survive cancer for a longer period of time
• survive a major operation more often.
Fine print alert! This applies health and happy marriages, versus unhappy, stress-filled ones.
Are you experiencing some unhappiness or stress in your marriage?
It’s not too late to improve your marriage.
Tool #1: The Stages of Change Couples Questionnaire
Do you really want to change your marriage for the better?
You might be offended by my question.
The truth is, we’re often comfortable with our current state of living, even when we say it’s miserable.
For example, I may say I’m sick of being overweight.
But when I realize I have to change my eating habits and start daily exercise, there’s something in me that says, “That’s too much work!”
In the same way, improving your marriage will be uncomfortable.
The negative patterns in your marriage are not the same as an addiction, but I do want you to reference this article I wrote, so that you can understand why behavioral patterns can be so hard to change.
Change is hard, but it is possible.
Take this questionnaire to better understand what stage of change you are in when it comes to changing key areas in your relationship.
You can take and score the questionnaire below.
This will help you know what stage of change you’re in with significant areas in your relationship.
Tool #2: Your Partner’s Feedback
In a business partnership, it’s important that each partner know his or her strengths and weaknesses.
It’s important for both you and your partner to take a look in the mirror, metaphorically speaking.
What are your strengths, and what are your weaknesses?
Here’s are a couple helpful tools:
A) Your partner!
Ask your partner to write down 3 strengths and 3 weaknesses you bring to the relationship.
This is going to be the most reliable tool, because your partner knows you best!
B) Just for fun, you can take this quiz as well:
- Take the quiz yourself.
- Then ask your partner to take it, rating you for each question.
Do this for each partner.
It’ll be interesting to see how you see yourself, and how your partner sees you!
Tool #3: Relationship Quiz
Alright, you’ve gotten a good idea of what areas in the marriage you’re ready to change, and which you’re more resistant to changing.
Now it’s time to take the temperature of the relationship itself.
What is the current state of your marriage?
Take this quiz from PsychCentral to find out.
Each partner should take the quiz separately, so that you can compare scores.
Talk about why one of you may have rated the relationship higher or lower.
Tool #4: Your Relationship Vision
Now that you know where you are, do you know where you want to go?
What do you want your relationship to look like, ideally, going forward?
The relationship vision is an exercise from Dr. Harville Hendrix, in the Getting the Love You Want Workbook.
Watch the video below to figure out how to do this exercise. You can also purchase the workbook for the explanation and worksheets.
Tool #5: Books
If you value your marriage, treat it like you would a PhD dissertation.
Read and study these books to get to know your partner better.
For the Aspergers Partner
This book can help you better understand non-Aspies/non-autistics.
You can check out my podcast episode (sorry, the volume was a bit difficult) with the author here.
For the Non Aspergers Man to better understand an Aspergers Woman
Aspergirls, by Rudy Simone
I wrote a bit about this book here.
22 Things a Woman With Asperger’s Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know, by Rudy Simone.
For the Non Aspergers Womanto better understand an Aspergers Man
And Finally: A Great Read for Both Partners
Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome, by Eva Mendes
I hope you find these tools helpful.
Bonus Tip: Use one tool per week, so you don’t become overwhelmed!
Reference for the Couples Stages of Change Questionnaire –
Assessing readiness for couple therapy: the Stages of Relationship Change Questionnaire. Bradford K., J Marital Fam Ther. 2012 Jul;38(3):486-501. doi: 10.1111/j