TWAP054: Happy Aspergers Marriage Secrets Revealed

An Interview with Michael and Cici

Happy Aspergers Marriage Secrets Revealed 

Years ago I wrote an article about Aspergers and marriage on my Psychology Today Blog.

aspergers marriage tips

I sought to talk about solutions for those in AS (Autism Spectrum)/Non AS (Non Autism Spectrum) marriages.

Unfortunately, a lot of commenters voiced pessimism and negativity about AS/Non AS marriages.

News stations don’t often report positive events.  Positive events don’t always increase ratings.

One of my goals on the Thrive blog and podcast is to highlight happy AS/Non AS marriages.

Fortunately, I accidentally found one!

Michael reached out to me a while ago after he was newly diagnosed with Aspergers.  We spoke by phone, and I so enjoyed his life story.  Then I found out about his happy marriage of 5 years with his wife CiCi.

As we talked further, I knew I had to invite Michael and Cici on the show to talk about their marriage, so that we could lear from them.

Aspergers Marriage Topics Covered

  • Life before diagnosis – solitary, sensitive, studious
  • How Michael became interested in Aspergers/autism and pursued a diagnosis
  • Michael’s two emotions after the diagnosis – relief and resentment
  • How he chose to process the resentment – and how you can, too
  • Also read or listen about how to live life after aspergers diagnosis 
  • How Michael and Cici met: in Jail!
  • What attracted Cici to Michael — hint – it had to do with grooming and hygiene 
  • How Michael’s diagnosis affected Cici
  • Her refusal to tie certain characteristics solely to the term “Aspergers/autism”
  • Balance between Acceptance and Personal Responsibility
  • Acceptance and the trip to the Ice Cream Shop

Aspergers Marriage Communication Tips

  • Communicating more directly to the male with AS
  • It’s not what you say, but how you say it
  • A Foundation of Love, Respect, Trust
  • Humor
  • Tip: If you find you’re having some challenges, take a day, or half a day, or even an hour to converse
  • The hope that Michael and Cici wish to impart to you – they are very different, but yet are willing to work through those differences because of how much they love each other
  • How do you view differences – as something that’s a burden or something that provides variety and joy?
  • Do regular check ups and ask each other questions over time –  
  • If feeling criticized or if you are having a hard time communicating – write it out first.
  • Finally, remember that successful marriage is not just about being happy.

Join the Conversation

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 I'm Steve Borgman.  I'm a licensed clinical professional counselor and blogger committed to bringing you hope, understanding, and solutions that you can apply to your life immediately.

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Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Sarah Spicher

    Hi Stephen! I appreciate everything you do for our AS community. I have a successful marriage after many failed relationships of 5 years and we have one son. Do you have any advice on dealing with parenting difference when raising little ones?

  • Hi, Sarah! Thanks for your encouragement and your question. You’ve given me the topic for a future blog post on parenting! The quickest advice I can think of is to agree together what are the top 3 behaviors that you’d like to see changed in your child. Name only your top three: for example: a) refusing to listen b) calling me names c) hitting his/her sister. Ask your husband to come up with his top three behaviors that he wants to see changed in your child. Then work together to prioritize which ones need the most changing. That’s step 1. Step 2 and 3 will come in a future article 🙂